Cold Sweat

Picture this: The soft, lovely sounds of background music playing for hundreds of mingling guests. Scattered talking and laughter mixing with the sounds of champagne glasses clinking, and the aroma of a catered meal seeping out from the kitchen promising to please even the most discriminating palette...........only to find the champagne glasses have been replaced by paper birthday party cups, the aroma from the kitchen leads to the fire alarm going off as the reception dinner burns to bits, and the talking and laughing is replaced by radio silence at the atrocity of the Mardi Gras beads dangling from the ceiling, and the Entenmann's box containing the wedding cake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This nightmare is recurring. The sheer terror at the thought of the above happening never escapes me. I worry that the decor won't be enough, and then I worry that the decor will be too much. I cringe at the thought of the reception meal looking like a frozen food entree that has been undercooked, and is being served in microwaveable trays. I worry that I will trip over my dress as I walk down the aisle to meet my fiance, to immediately be followed by him fainting right as the ceremony begins. I worry that a child or adult will catch themselves on fire when reaching over the candles to shake another guest's hand, or to reach for the salt. I worry, I worry, I worry.
Bless my fiance's heart, when I tell him about these possible scenarios, he looks at me as a parent looks at a child who has walked into the room wearing a bucket on their head and cowboy boots. It's as if to say, "It's ok," as he pats my head.
Have I lost my mind? The 30-some...a-hem.......I mean 20-some years :-) before the engagement I spent as a semi-normal person. I had hobbies, I watched tv, I...I....I.....what did I do?
I can't even remember pre-engagement. It all seems so far away. My head is full of googling-lingo and centerpiece ideas. I don't see colors anymore, I see spray roses and hurricane lamps. A color palette used to mean tints and hues, now it means linens and cocktail napkins. I can't look at flowers as a singular item any longer. They are now bouquets, corsages, and cake table accessories. My questions aren't 'what's for dinner?', they are 'will this match my dress?'.
This is madness.......total madness. I have to stop, but I just can't seem to figure out how.
I read through countless articles about 'how-to-do (blank) and make it look effortless'. All of these other brides and people giving us praises and congratulations. They all say 'Enjoy! It'll be the time of your life.'...............really? The planning is excruciating........like oral surgery sans Novocaine.
Sigh, I have to admit though, amid the chaos and the importance of 'book ahead!', I really do understand what the final result will be. I look at this man; my best friend-my fiance; for whom this lunacy began, and stop to reflect for a second. I can see how the urgency will soon become small, and how the fanatical web searches for vases that don't exist will be an insignificant glitch in the grand scheme of things. He stands behind me each night as I point and click away, and I feel the warmth of his smile as he rests his hand on my shoulder. I know that no matter what color the napkins are, or how many candle votives we have per table, in the end we both will have what truly matters most. The pleasure and honor of being husband and wife.

Happy New Year!

I can't believe it is almost the end of September already. We just finished celebrating Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. This was the first time in ten years I have been able to celebrate with my family. It was so wonderful to be with them at synagogue. It is an experience I didn't realize just how much I missed.
My dad came over to my fiance's parents house for break-fast. I haven't been to a real break-fast since 1998. I couldn't stop eating the kugle and deviled eggs and egg salad. When you are away from those things for a long time, you really lose appreciation for how amazing they are!
Services I attended today were at the new temple off of Main St., and the facility is stunning! The Rabbi and Chazan were equally as impressive in their leading of the congregation. There is not a shade of doubt in my mind that I will gladly go back for the next holiday!
Yom Kippur has always been an interesting holiday concept for me. Purification and cleansing the mind and body of sins and toxins. Fascinating really. Even though the weather was freezing today (wind gusts up to 40 mph!!!!!), the goose bumps I had inside were from hearing the shofar blow. Every Yom Kippur the shofar marks an end and a beginning from one year to the next. When I hear it, I think "tradition!". Our ancestors listened to the same takeeah!, waiting for the final sound to escape the shofar before greeting the stranger next to them with a "happy new year!" gleefully thinking "we made it!". It marks an end of the old, and a beginning of the new. What a marvelous concept. Take with you all of your mistakes and conquests, and apply both to a new start.
L'Shanah Tova!
May peace, harmony and health grace you and your families this new year.

Must. Have. Sleep.

No matter how tired I am during the day, my never ending rendezvous with 2:00 am is here again. My wedded friends keep telling me that sleep deprivation only gets worse after you have kids. Seriously? It gets worse?
Every night I sit loyally at the computer, trusty mug of caffeine rich coffee by my side, researching DIY centerpieces and cost effective finds for the wedding. Every night while doing this, I tell myself to go to bed a little earlier than the night before. And every night, I end up creeping into bed that much later.
I don't know how brides-to-be get any sleep at all. In between taking care of the house, laundry, fiance time, work, etc., etc., there doesn't seem to be enough time during the day. Sleep is something I have a long-standing love affair with, yet never get a chance to see anymore. I am sure that in the end, the countless sleepless nights and battle-scar dark circles under my eyes will be but a small price to pay for the end result. At least that is what I keep telling myself.
Any suggestions, hints, or available time machines for rent will be welcomed with open arms.

To all of our family and friends, we are so very excited at the prospect of seeing all of you in June. The self-inflicted torture I put myself through nightly should only be viewed as a labor of love in preparation for the good time we want you all to experience. We want you to know this won't only be our day, but a day for you as well. We are looking forward to celebrating a new beginning in our lives with you.

Stay tuned for more updates, raves, and hair pulling moments as they present themselves each day.

Do you believe in fate?

Well, here we are.........
I moved back home to Ohio (brrr) after 10 years of living down south. Man, I miss the weather down there! However, my family and best friends from high school all live here, and I missed them a little more. The south isn't going anywhere, so there'll always be a warm spot to go.

The pic on the top right is of me, a neurotic little beagle, and one of the above mentioned best friends from high school.....and junior high. (Now I call him fiance'). We've known each other for 20 years. We had kept in touch throughout my brief stop in South Carolina, and my longer siesta in Texas. One day I packed up and left my no-snow winters, my beautiful condo, and some really wonderful people I met along the way. I had no idea my travels would only last a decade, but I am fortunate they did.

This "stop" back in Ohio afforded me quality family time, enabled me to be here for the birth of my nephew, and the birth of one of my other best friend's daughters. I saw one of my other best friends and his wife, and finally got a chance to meet their 4 beautiful children. It has been a filling experience jam-packed into less than a year's worth of time. I regret none of it, and hope the ride continues on the same forward path.