Cold Sweat

Picture this: The soft, lovely sounds of background music playing for hundreds of mingling guests. Scattered talking and laughter mixing with the sounds of champagne glasses clinking, and the aroma of a catered meal seeping out from the kitchen promising to please even the most discriminating palette...........only to find the champagne glasses have been replaced by paper birthday party cups, the aroma from the kitchen leads to the fire alarm going off as the reception dinner burns to bits, and the talking and laughing is replaced by radio silence at the atrocity of the Mardi Gras beads dangling from the ceiling, and the Entenmann's box containing the wedding cake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This nightmare is recurring. The sheer terror at the thought of the above happening never escapes me. I worry that the decor won't be enough, and then I worry that the decor will be too much. I cringe at the thought of the reception meal looking like a frozen food entree that has been undercooked, and is being served in microwaveable trays. I worry that I will trip over my dress as I walk down the aisle to meet my fiance, to immediately be followed by him fainting right as the ceremony begins. I worry that a child or adult will catch themselves on fire when reaching over the candles to shake another guest's hand, or to reach for the salt. I worry, I worry, I worry.
Bless my fiance's heart, when I tell him about these possible scenarios, he looks at me as a parent looks at a child who has walked into the room wearing a bucket on their head and cowboy boots. It's as if to say, "It's ok," as he pats my head.
Have I lost my mind? The 30-some...a-hem.......I mean 20-some years :-) before the engagement I spent as a semi-normal person. I had hobbies, I watched tv, I...I....I.....what did I do?
I can't even remember pre-engagement. It all seems so far away. My head is full of googling-lingo and centerpiece ideas. I don't see colors anymore, I see spray roses and hurricane lamps. A color palette used to mean tints and hues, now it means linens and cocktail napkins. I can't look at flowers as a singular item any longer. They are now bouquets, corsages, and cake table accessories. My questions aren't 'what's for dinner?', they are 'will this match my dress?'.
This is madness.......total madness. I have to stop, but I just can't seem to figure out how.
I read through countless articles about 'how-to-do (blank) and make it look effortless'. All of these other brides and people giving us praises and congratulations. They all say 'Enjoy! It'll be the time of your life.'...............really? The planning is excruciating........like oral surgery sans Novocaine.
Sigh, I have to admit though, amid the chaos and the importance of 'book ahead!', I really do understand what the final result will be. I look at this man; my best friend-my fiance; for whom this lunacy began, and stop to reflect for a second. I can see how the urgency will soon become small, and how the fanatical web searches for vases that don't exist will be an insignificant glitch in the grand scheme of things. He stands behind me each night as I point and click away, and I feel the warmth of his smile as he rests his hand on my shoulder. I know that no matter what color the napkins are, or how many candle votives we have per table, in the end we both will have what truly matters most. The pleasure and honor of being husband and wife.