Chicken or Egg?

There is a natural succession to things. 'Order' is how most people refer to it. We follow a chronological time line: zygote, embryo, fetus/embryo, new-born, infant, toddler, child, etc., etc. You get my point. There is a rhyme and reason because it can be documented from beginning stage to final stage. The circle of life, we like to call it. Agreed? Good, let's move forward.
Age old question: Which came first? The chicken or the egg? Valid question. The validity lies in the fact that you need one to exist to have the other appear true......or at least validate it's existence/inception. We, as a society, need to see data and charts and graphs before we even begin to admit that something can and does exist. We need proof. Now, let's throw a little something more abstract out there. What about fate? Destiny? How does that interlink with fact? With data? It really isn't something that can be a shaded red or green in a computerized pie chart or graph. How do we explain that? We can't. It just is.
Here's where my story weaves itself into the information stated above. There is a connection, so please, follow me here ok?
As a product of my environment and upbringing, I am a total shopaholic. I will admit this to anyone, anywhere, anytime. I revel in it. Even in my rebellious days fighting the Yuppies, I still went shopping, just not at 'corporate' institutions run by 'the man'. (I thought I was very political when I was younger. Turns out, I was just a normal teen. C'est la vie. ) Growing older, I developed a very longstanding relationship with Lord & Taylor (before they closed almost every single store across the US), and my magical gift of Macy's. (sigh.............). Anyway, my point is this. When I need therapy, I shop. Window shop, online shop, in-store shop. I don't have to buy anything. I can go just to look or try on. Either way, it's euphoria for me. It's similar to the effects of the chemical in chocolate called 'phenylethylamine that raises the endorphin levels in your brain, helping you feel calm and happy'. Bliss....it's pure bliss.
That being said, you'll understand how the pieces all come together as we move on.
Mom is a teacher and has her summers free. She and I spent a good portion of her summer going places together on my days off of work. There was a store she really wanted me to go see with her on N. High St. in the Short North called Grandview Mercantile Revue, or just Revue for short. It's a little hip, a little mod, a little retro consignment store that literally sells everything under the sun. They really do have some unique things there to look at. Since mom and I didn't have anywhere to be until later that night, I looked at every thing in every aisle. After one-and-a-half loops around the store, I made it to the last stop in the last section which just happened to be jewelry. Not costume jewelry like they had mixed in through the other cases. No, this was where they had their estate pieces and dealer jewels. I looked in all of the cases at each piece, glancing at beautiful brooches and pendants, heirlooms, and custom work. Mom came up behind me, and started looking through the cases too. Keep in mind, there are 6-7 cases. Three on one side of you....floor to almost ceiling, and three to four of the same size cases on the other side of you. Anyway, we were looking at the same case, and I saw a few things in there that I thought were so-so, and kept panning my view to see what else was in the case. Mom grabbed my arm, and immediately called over a sales associate. In the case was an exact replica of a ring her father had made for her when she graduated high school. (the original ring had been stolen a year before while she was teaching summer school). Her eyes lit up and of course she tried on the ring. While mom was occupied looking at the ring, the sales associate asked if there was anything in there I saw that I would like to see. 'Why not?', I thought. This could take a while. I looked into the case, and on the same shelf, and a box away from the ring mom found, there was a simple but nice looking sapphire and diamond ring that sort of caught my eye. 'Can I see that one?', I asked pointing to it. She took it out for me, and I tried it on. Holy Cow! I fell in love. It was instantaneous. Everything about this ring felt right, felt like it was waiting there only for me. I looked at mom and she looked at me, and we both held out our fingers so the other could see. We didn't have to say anything, but did anyway. We were supposed to be here, on THIS day, together. How could this not have been meant to be?
'Mom? If I ever get engaged, this is exactly the type of ring I want to have. Look at this. It's perfect.'
'Stace? This is Papa's ring. Not the original, but the same exact design. And it fits honey.......it really fits.'
We reluctantly gave both rings back, (AFTER i took pictures of each with the camera in my cell phone!) and walked in silence to her car.
The conversation that we had in the car was more out of shock than anything else. Papa's ring to mom? There? Not the original, but one just the same? How could this be?
A ring I found, in the same case, one box away, that made me utter the words 'engagement' and 'marriage' even though Adam and I had only been dating since December? It was now just July.
Later that night, Adam and I went to dinner at our friend's Jimmy & Jodi's house. We got to see the baby for a little while before Jodi took her upstairs to go to bed. While Jodi was upstairs, and Adam was taking out the trash for Jimmy, I was helping him wash & dry the dishes.
'Jim?', I said, 'There is something I have to get off my chest. I need your opinion, I am so freaked out.' I then proceeded to tell him the whole story.
'Tell him,' he said. 'Tell him tonight.'
And while we were driving home, I did. I told him everything. Mom's ring, my ring, how I wasn't looking for it, I felt like it had found me. I told him the thought of engagement and marriage didn't scare me now, as it had done in the past. We had a long talk, and I showed him the pictures in my phone. We talked about going to the store over the weekend so he could see it for himself. We talked about whether or not this was the right time to even consider spending that kind of money (money we didn't have) on a ring.
Finally, the day comes to go to Revue and show Adam the ring. When we get there, there is a sign in the window stating that they closed early for the day to get ready for a huge sale taking place the next day. My uneasiness at the thought of possibly losing this ring starts to grow. We go back two days later on a Sunday before I have to go to work. I walk in and go straight to the case where both rings had been, and they were both gone. My heart dropped. For me, for mom. 'We lost them,' that's all I could think. When I asked the sales lady (one of the same ones there while mom and I were trying the rings on a few days ago), she said that my ring had sold and the one mom looked at was taken to a jewelry show by the dealer for the weekend. I gave her my cell number in case the dealer brought mom's ring back, and asked her to call me so I could let mom know one way or another if the ring was coming back. I then called mom, and gave her the bad news. She said she was going over there first thing in the morning to see if her ring came back.
I tried so hard not to let my disappointment show. Adam was so sweet, and kept trying to console me saying we'd find another one just like it. How do you explain to someone that it wasn't necessarily something you were looking for, but felt right once you found it? And once you lost it, you didn't want another one just like it? I told him no, there would be a different one. I didn't want it to be just like that one. That was just one I had happened to like. Maybe it was a sign? It just wasn't meant to be. When we got home, I got ready for work, and the day went on as usual.
Let's now fast forward to Tuesday, July 21st. We were slow at work again, and my boss said that because I was still new, I am one of the first to be asked to leave early. I didn't really mind that at all, and called Adam and asked him to come get me. I waited for him outside of the building. It was a nice night, and I felt like being outside. Adam pulled into the parking lot, but instead of waiting for me to get in, he pulled into a space and parked.
'Let's take the beagle for a walk across the street at the park.'
'Ok,' I said. Good, I was glad. I felt like being outside for a little while before we went home. Besides, work is in a secluded part of Easton and has a park called the Oval across the road. The Oval is the focal point from all of the buildings around the park. You don't see the main road in or out until you make almost a full circle around the Oval.
I remember we were talking about bats while we walked through the parking lot and street to get to the park. I think there were quite a few out that night. I told Adam about our house on Dawson, and the pool we had in the backyard. The pool was lit at night, and my brother and I would sit on the stairs in the shallow end and watch the bats swoop down onto the water picking up bugs and insects they saw illuminated from the sky. Adam remained pretty silent after the conversation, and when he spoke next, his words weren't really making sense to me. His breath seemed short, and when I turned to look at him to see if he was ok, he had stopped walking and was fumbling for something in his left front jeans pocket.
Oh my g-d! Is he really.............? And then the words, 'I've always loved you Stace. Will you marry me?'. I looked down at the box in his hand, and when he opened it up, there was the ring!
'No,', I muttered as I put my arms around him.
'No?', he asked.
I started laughing. 'Yes! Yes! I will marry you.' I said back. ''No' was because I can't believe this is happening, and that you have the ring. The exact one I picked out.'
As we got back in the car, he told me of how he went to the Revue the next day after our talk, and bought the ring. The NEXT day. He had it this whole time! And the sales lady??? SHE was in on it too!
We drove to mom's, and I showed her my hand. She then showed me hers. Our rings! We had our rings. The men in our lives may not have made them, but I truly believe that the rings we had were made for them.
I called dad next. He was out at a restaurant eating dinner and he said 'Mazel Tov honey!', and then I heard him tell the people he was with 'My daughter just got engaged!'. There were many congratulations flung his way. I put Adam on the phone, and I heard him say 'Thanks', and then started laughing. 'Your dad said that there is a significant sum of money in it for us if we elope.'
Elope? No way! Let's celebrate!
So now here is where this part of the story ends. While I do agree there is a general succession to things, I truly believe it can not be applied to everything. I wasn't looking for that ring, but it was absolutely looking for me. Mom thought a link to her father had been taken from her forever, but that day, that link was miraculously restored.
Logic and reason (and tradition to an extent) mandates there is a systematic order to things. Engagement first, then the ring, then the wedding. In my case, this proves not to be so. Sometimes things just happen in whichever order they decide to present themselves to you. It's up to you to take it for what it is.
The chicken and the egg theory as used above, is a most valid and thought provoking discussion. You can't have one without the other. And to be totally honest, I am not sure we will ever really know. But therein lies half the mystery to it.